Maybe you can judge a book by its cover

When I'm checking books out to students I often have a stack of books beside me on the desk that need to be returned to the shelves. One day while I was checking out books to 1st grade I had one of the Goosebumps books beside me. One of my students was looking at the book while waiting.  He then announce....

"Wow that books like the bible!"

I myself would never think to describe a book with a zombie on the cover as being similar to Holy Scripture.  I can only assume that as a student who still reads books with less then 20 pages that he was basing his comment on size and not content.

Edwina Scissorhands visits the Library

I learned a long time ago it's better to wait until later in the school year to break out anything that involves glue or scissors with kindergarten. Well we have been in school for over two months and I figured it was safe to bring them out. I was almost wrong.

Our page today had a few pictures to cut out and glue to the page.  I spent a few minutes going over the page so they would know what to cut and where to glue it. We also discussed scissor rules.  No cutting hair, skin, clothes.  We only use the scissors to cut the pages Mrs. Honey tells us to.  Then I let everyone get started and I began to walk around the tables and make sure everyone was on task.

I made it to my last table and almost had a heart attack.  The little girl at that table did have very think bangs.  She didn't anymore!  Her bangs were very badly butchered.  You could tell that she had cut her own bangs.  The problem was I didn't look real close before she came in and I didn't know if they were like that before she got to my class. I started checking on the floor for clumps  of hair.  I didn't see any so I finally got brave enough to ask.

Mrs. Honey,  "Andrea, did you cut your own bangs?"

Andrea, "Yes"

Mrs. Honey,  " Did you cut them at home?"

Andrea,  "Yes"

I breathed a sign of relief knowing they were not cut on watch. We may need to put the scissors back up until after Christmas, just to be on the safe side!

More pictures from Mrs. Arty

Not sure what this was suppose to be, I'll just leave it up to your imagination.

I survived

Well I have made threw the first month of school and I'm sorry to say that there has not been anything really worth writing about so far.  Hopefully the kids will get more interesting and I'll have some new stories.

I have also survived sending my baby to the big bad middle school. Now it just feels normal.  I did have a small breakdown on the first day. At middle school, you drive around the back of the school to drop off your student. You then drive around the front when you leave.  I was fine until I drove around the corner.  That was when I broke down and cried. I had to be very brave until then because she had already made me promise not to cry when I dropped her off.  Of course she loves middle school.  Am I a bad parent if I kinda wish she hated it a little?  Just enough to let me know she missed me.

Just making sure it works

I've always wondered if this happened to other teachers or if I was just special. You ask a very simple question, hands shoot up, you call on a student and they give you a blank stare.  And just keep staring at you.  So you repeat the question and they continue to stare at you.  I mean it's not a wrong answer or the question was misunderstood, they literally say nothing and stare at you. Why did you raise your hand if you don't have an answer?  I just don't get it. And yes sometimes when I'm short on temper, I do ask them if they were just seeing if their hand worked. Guess what?  They stare at me when I ask that too.  And let's be honest, I'm almost always short on temper.

First day go away, and come again, no other day.

I have been dreading tomorrow for so long. I tried to deny it and ignore it but the first day of school always comes. I usually enjoy the first day of school. I won't say I love it because I don't. I hate getting up in the mornings. I am a true night owl. I'd stay up all night and sleep all day if I could and I did do that some this summer.  So while I don't love the first day of school, once I'm up I generally enjoy it.  But not this year. This year I hate it. This year I wish it would just go away and die a quiet death.
Why do I hate it this year, you might ask?  Because this year it is taking my baby away from me. She leaves my elementary school and starts middle school tomorrow. Instead of being down the hall from me, she will be across town, and while that may only mean five minutes away, in my heart it might as well be an ocean. In my entire teaching career, I have never been away from her. She has always gone to work with me and been there at the end of the day. She is so excited to walk home by herself tomorrow and all I can think about is that she won't be bouncing into the library at the end of the day and sit in my lap and tell me about her new teacher.
My son is also growing away from me in his own way. He got his license this summer and he will be driving to and from school himself tomorrow.  So, I will be driving home alone tomorrow, for the first time in eight years.   I really don't want to think about that first ride home alone.

Who's your momma?

I have always taught at a school with at least one of my children.  Most of my students know who my kids are, except the students who are younger then my children. This can lead to some interesting stories.   The other night my daughter went to the ball park with my husband while I stayed home.  When she got home, she had her own interesting story to tell me.   This is her story:         "Mom, there was this kid talking to me and my friend at the ball park and he would not stop talking.  I finally asked him what teachers he liked at school. He told me Mrs. Honey in the library was really really mean to me.  I asked him what he would do if I told him Mrs. Honey was my mom?  He screamed and ran away."    I laughed so hard at this story.  I was dying to know what kid it was, but she didn't know him and didn't get his name.  I was going to have her look at the year books until we found out who it was.  But luckily I didn't have to to that, because the kid ratted himself out.   The next day at school during 1st grade class.           "Mrs. Honey, I met your daughter at the ball park last night."           "Oh, so you're the kid who said I was so mean to you, huh?"           "What?, No that wasn't me!"    HAHA So busted!!!! P.S.  During that same class that same student caused me so much grief and got into a huge amount of trouble for back talking.  Go figure.  

Made Up My Mind For Me

        Book companies will sometimes send me boxes of books to preview for purchase.  The other day I got a preview box in and started pulling out the books.  I was a little concerned because one set of books was about WWE wrestlers.  Our school doesn't really allow anything to do with wrestling.  Our kids are not allowed to wear wrestling shirts or bring wrestling toys to school.  I know that the kids, boys expecially, would really love those books, but I just couldn't decide if I was going to buy them or send them back. I left all the books stacked on my circulation desk that the kids walk by when they come into my room.           That day I had my worst 4th grade class.  It is almost impossible to work with this class.  It feels like it is all boys and everyone of them has a bad attitude.  I rarely make it through that class without writing someone up or sending someone to the office.  One of my trouble makers walks right by my desk as they come into class and knocks the entire stack of wrestling books off.  I could see the look of excitement in his eyes as he bent down to pick up the books and realized what they were about.  As he picked them up he asked if he could check one of them out.  I told him that they were only preview books and that I had not bought them yet.  But if he promised to treat them gently, I would let him look at them during class that day.           By the end of that class I had every one of my trouble makers in a different corner of the room looking at the wrestling books being as quiet and good as can be.  I didn't have a single bit of trouble that day.  When they finished with one book, they would quietly exchange it with one of the other kids, until they had looked at every book.   That day I made up my mind.  I will DEFINITELY be buying the wrestling books!  

Shoeless Joe

I was hanging around the office before school started this morning when the kindergarten aid came in and told us that one of the kindergarten kids had come to school without shoes. The little boy came into the office and I asked him how he managed to get to school without shoes.  "Well I was playing chase with my friend at the bus stop and I couldn't run with my flip flops on so I took them off and when the bus got there I forgot to put them back on." Now how he managed to get on the bus without the bus driver noticing is beyond me.

It must be nice!

As I have mentioned before, I work after school as a tutor at a local children's home.  This home usually takes in children from other parts of the state. But every once in a while they will take in children who have been removed from their parents in our district.   The first time this happened was about 5 years ago with a little girl in kindergarten.  I won't go into details but she was experiencing abuse at home and was displaying signs in school and child protective services came in and removed her and she was placed with the home.  She lived there about 2 years before being adopted by a local family and still remains in our school district.  It was amazing how she changed during that time.  When she was in kindergarten she was very difficult.  Today she is a sweet little girl and hardly any trouble at all.  It is remarkable to see the changes that this child has made.  I truly believe hers will be a success story.   On the other hand:   My next story is not as wonderful.    There is a couple in our town that everyone in our school is very familiar with.  They have a total of 5 children all together if I'm not mistake.  Thier oldest lives with grandma and always has.  Mom and dad just couldn't handle this child.  Why?  Lets see?  He never gets in trouble at school, is always polite and respectful.  Always did as he was told.  As you can see he is totally out of control.  NOT.  Their next two children were girls and really were a handful.  Not bad, just a little more lively.  Grandma refused to take them so mom and dad were stuck with those two.  Those two girls are in my school and in 3rd and 5th grade.  The other two are not school age yet, so I don't know a lot about them. The school counselor has been trying together these kids away from their parents for years. Neglect, abuse you name it. They are just rotten parents. Well this summer it finally happened and the kids were all sent to live at the children's home that I work at after school. One day as I was showing up after school for tutoring I happened to see those parents leaving from a visit. The kids stood at the door and waved and said," love you, bye." It was the same as when I drop my own kids off somewhere.  But it really got me to thinking;  it must be nice having someone else take over the trouble and cost of raising your kids.  Those two still get the joy of visiting and playing with their kids anytime they want to,   but here's what they don't have to put up with.  They never have to be the bad guy.  When its bed time or bath time or nap time, they never have to be the one to make their kids obey.  The home pays group leaders to do that.  They don't have to help with homework or worry about their grades.  The home pays me to do that.  They don't have to help with school papers or projects.  They don't have to pay for school supplies.  They don't pay for school clothes or any clothes, because the home buys them clothes whenever they need them.  They get new shoes more often then I do now.  They don't have to pay for food because the home provides meals.  (But I have a feeling they still collect food stamps!)  They don't have to find a babysitter if they want alone time.  They get plenty of that these days. They don't have to attend parent teacher conferences, the education coordinator does that.  They don't have to attend discipline conferences.  If their kid gets in trouble at school its not their problem anymore.  They have managed to work out the perfect parenting system.  The state takes care of all expenses and  trouble and they get to show up once a week and get kisses and act like they are the parents of the year.  They must be a lot smarter then we ever gave them credit for. Like I said it must be nice!  

Wash, rinse, repeat

I have been letting my classes try out the new Kindles. I have been showing them how to use them and then just letting them read during class.  Today after 3rd grade I was taking them up and I noticed that one of them something dusty all over the screen.  I looked at the table where I had taken them up from and said to the kids...

"What is this all over the screen?"

One of the students told me "Oh that's me.  I have terrible dandruff and it got all the screen."

He then proceeded to scratch the front of head and let loose another shower of dandruff onto my table! 

It took everything I had in me not to tell this kid he was being totally gross.  At 3rd grade you should have some idea of appropriate public behavior. 

I just looked at him and told him to stop scratching his head. 

Sometimes kids are so gross. 

Christmas in February

Look what my wonderful principal bought for my library!  I now have 50 Kindles to check out to my students.  I have been setting them up and teaching the kids how to use them all last week. They are supper excited too! 
Here's a funny Kindle story...

The other day someone said to me

"I bet you hate Kindles and all these electronic books"

I giggled and said:  "Nope, love mine! I've had it 2 years and it goes to bed with me every night.  I don't go anywhere without it!" 

I don't necessarily love the books, but I do love the stories in them and those I can get on my Kindle. 

Polar Bear, Polar Bear What Do You See?

Today's picture is courtesy of the art teacher.  Thank Mrs. Arty, I really needed a smile today.  Naughty, naughty polar bears!

Well, Hello Mr. Obvious

"Can't say shit in class, can't say shit in class, can't say shit in class." "Don't say shit in class, don't say shit in class, don't say shit in class." These were the two thoughts playing in my head during 3rd grade today. One of my pet peeves with children is their constant desire to state the obvious. If its raining they have to tell you it's raining, even if you have just walked in the building and are soaking wet and shaking out an umbrella. They can't stop theirselves. Today I was introducing the Arkansas Diamond Award List for this year. One of the books on the list is called "Chicken Little." First I had to hear about ten times that they had seen that movie. I tried very nicely to explain that the story is very old and there are several different versions of this story and yes I was also familiar with the movie, which was another version of the same story. I then made the mistake of picking that book to read. After I finished one student could not keep himself from blurting out "That books nothing like the movie!" Did I not explain that in explicit detail? All I could think was; "No shit,Sherlock" How badly I wanted to say that.

Diary of a Naughty Kid

Once again I have pictures of additions students have made to library books.  This time the pictures are all from the same book.  It is from one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.  If you're not familiar with the books, they are written as if they are the diary of  a middle school kid named Greg Heffley.  Greg writes about things that happen to him at school and at home and he also includes drawings to illustrate his diary.  I can see how this would be very tempting for a student to add to the pictures.  Of course the additions that were added to this book were not all that innocent. 

This addition points out and emphasizes Greg's mother's anatomy.  In other words, Greg's mom has tits!



This time the student decided to caption an illustration in order to explain a character's lack of intelligence.  "He died because he was so stupid to fall in a trap." 

I have to be honest I really don't know how this drawing and caption add to the story.  On the left is a drawing of a pole with a stripper with certain interesting parts drawn in and labeled ("Booby" and toward the bottom by the legs "kuchet," which I can only assume was suppose to be Coochie).  Then on the right side of the page the kid wrote: "Strippers stripping on a pole like this."
Really?  Where do they see this stuff?  The kid who I think did this is only 10 years old!   



Makes a teacher proud

It always amazes me when the younger kids are super proud of something they should be embarrassed about. Friday afternoon I was standing in the hall waiting for my next class when kindergarten was walking by. One little boy turned around and called out to me from across the hall.... Little Boy: "Hey Mrs. honey, guess what!" Mrs. Honey: "What sweetie?" Honestly the thoughts going through my head were: new puppy, new toy, or my mom's pregnant. Little Boy: "I got Head Lice." Mrs. Honey: "Well,Good for you." Everyone in the hall heard our entire conversation. I couldn't stop laughing and his poor teacher turned red she was so embarrassed. But that little boy had no shame whatsoever.

Show and Tell

While working in the library, I often find notes or pictures that students have added to the books.  I must say some of these drawings and notes are too good not to save, so I have started taking pictures of them.  Here is one of my favorites.

For those of you who can not translate elementary the note reads "I hate that ugly Mrs. Honey, Asshole."

 I believe this was a personal note to me because my name was on it.  I cropped my name out of it, but if I hadn't you would also see that the student spelled it wrong.  How that can happen I don't understand.  I do not have a name that can be spelled in different ways.  There is only one way to spell my name and this kid got it wrong! So what did I do?  Well when I figured out the last student to have the book, the principal and I tried to get her to confess.  As you can imagine, she denied, denied, denied.  Without proof, there was nothing I could do. Well that wasn't good enough for me, so the next time I had her class, I made sure that the days lesson was on the proper spelling of Mrs. Honey's name.  I wrote my name on the board correctly and had the whole class write my name as many times as they could for the last 10 minutes of class.  When they asked why they were doing that, I said, "I want to make sure that the next time I see my name written anywhere that it is spelled correctly."  Here's the kicker, when I checked my suspects paper, she had spelled my name wrong again, exactly the same way that it was spelled in the book.  But she didn't do it, right?

I would also like to point out that I am never an asshole.  Bitch maybe, but never an asshole.  Get that right next time too!