No, emotional damage is not a cuss word.

 From 2nd Grade 

"Mrs. Honey, Carter's cussing!"  

"Carter, are you saying cuss words?"  

"No, Mrs. Honey"

"What word did you just say over there?"  

"I said "emotional damage"  

"No class, emotional damage is not a cuss word, but now I'm kind of concerned why a group of 7 year old's are discussing it."  

Hatchimals: You Never Know What You're Going To Get!

Story from a 4th Grade Teacher


Head lice checks are a weekly and sometimes daily occurrence around an elementary school.  A student was returning from the nurse's office and told her teacher she was very excited.  The teacher asked why and the student responded that the nurse had told her she had nits in her hair, which are lice eggs.  She was excited because they were just like "Hatchimals, and you never know what you're going to get!


Lice kid, lice. You're going to get head lice, and at this rate so is everyone else in your class!

It's moving day, wait let me check with my parole officer...

When students move, I usually get little to no notice.  The first time I learn a student is gone is when I take roll and the other kids tell me that student has moved.  Well I had a student who moved last week, but he showed back up in my class this week.  So I asked him what happened.  What he was doing back here.

"Well, we did move but mom still has to do community service here so, we have to stay until she finishes that, then we'll move again."

Hell Week

The fair's coming to town!  If you have ever been a teacher in a small town during fair week then you understand why I am not looking forward to it. I've never been in a sorority or fraternity and honestly, when I was in college, I always lived off campus, so I have no first hand experience with what rush week is like. But I have watched TV and movies and so I have a pretty good idea that hell week and fair week are almost the same. Here are some similarities.  I have students come in completely hungover from sugar highs and late bedtimes the night before.  Or maybe they found some leftover cotton candy and smuggled it on the bus and ate it before they got to school so they are high by the time the bus drops them off. Did I mention that they are sticky?  Yes their hands are sticky and everything they touch is left with a sticky residue.  Some of them will be dirty and smelly because they got home to late to take a bath the night before.  I will probably have to confiscate no less then 3 cheap plastic fair toys that make noises or flash in seizure inducing patterns. I especially enjoy the light up pacifiers who have been in who knows how many mouths.   What toys I don't have to take away will cause at least 2 fights on the playground.  Because they aren't getting to bed on time, I will have a few fall asleep in class.  Which honestly is better then the ones who are whinny and moody from lack of sleep.  Then there's always the one poor, sad kid whose mom ran off with a carny. True story bro!  But don't worry, she comes back at the end of fair season with new tattoos and even less teeth.  And let's not even talk about the kids who get new baby brothers or sisters nine months later!  So prepare yourselves teachers!  Hell Week is upon us!  Pray for our souls!

Story time fail

I realized yesterday while reading to kindergarten that I had skipped the second page of the story. This was while I was still reading the story.  The page I skipped sets the story up. A pretty important page of the story. Without this page the story doesn't make sense. Yet not one kid pointed out my mistake. Not one kid realized the story didn't make sense.   So what did I do?  I just kept reading. Ahhh, kindergarten....I could read the owners manual for my printer and they would probably not even notice.  

Sock Hopping Good Time

Last week was our annual PTO sponsored sock hop.  When of my first grade teachers shared with me how much one of her students enjoyed the sock hop.  

Student:   "Mrs. L I had a lot of fun at the sock hop. We did the limbo and the twist.  But my favorite was the HAND JOB!"

Ummm, not sure that's on the approved list for an elementary school dance.   

Congratulations! You're the winner

As a teacher I would honestly never wish bad things on students or their parents. Not even the worst kids.  When I think about those most difficult students and their even more difficult parents, I only wish for good things to happen to them.

Here are a few things that I have wished for those families....

That mom or dad would get a fabulous new job in Alaska. A very remote and isolated part of Alaska, only accessible by plane for 3 months of the year.  That way the parents can have a chance to home school their little angel and see what it's like for us everyday.  

That the family wins life aboard a cruise ship for the next 3 years (or however long it takes for their kid to get past elementary school).  The whole family will get to live on board a ship surrounded by the ocean unable to escape their own child.  They of course will be responsible for their entire education and their entertainment when their precious child gets bored of the ship after the first 10 minutes (if they're lucky, 

Give me time,  I'll come up with some more fabulous wishes for certain parents.